Buford here. 'Merica, time go wake up. OK, I said I'd be speaking ‘bout workforce development some time soon. Well, shut the front door, I can't hardly keep the drool off my Sunday go-to meeting shirt right now.
Just watched Fearless Leader confront the race to nowhere crowd over there in Warsingtun D of C. Good googamuga! Never seen a bigger lot of stupid in one place in my life. I mean 535 people who act like a pen full of hogs let loose on the slop trough. Gruntin', squealin' and spreadin' manure around like there ain't no tomorrow.
But guess what? There ain't goin' to be a tomorrow for "Merican workers with this kind of butt-hat gubmint. Just excuse me here a minute. Don't those asshats get paid by us to run this country? Hey, dufus, want to cut taxes? Let's start with their salary, office rent, staff, and travel allowance. Isn't that what bidness (pardon Gov. Perry) does in tough times? Fire the non-essentials. And boy are these people non-essential. I got to be careful my blood pressure is aclimbin' again. Ms. E. told me to go outside and kick the mule. Did it once. Not smart.
I mean these idiots couldn't organize a one-car funeral. But let me get back to "workforce development." That's fancy lawyer talk for doin' what you need to do to have the right people in the right place at the right time with the right smarts and can-do when you need ‘em to do. Lordy, lordy are we off track on that one or what?
I mean this isn't rocket surgery. We've been schoolin' our whipper snappers to be good little do-bes. Getup, go to the factory or office, be nice, push buttons and twist knobs until your eyes bug out. Go home, self medicate with adult beverage of choice. Sleep. Repeat. H-E-L-L-O! Doesn't work Ferd, now does it? We got 14 Million (with an M mind you) button pushers and knob twiddlers standin' around with their fingers in their nose wondering what the Sam Hill hit them. They are standing on the train platform and the train left yesterday. Not comin' back neither.
At the same time you got all them E-X-U-tives, whining, "I can't find anybody to work." What? What? This is like stuffin' 10 pounds of cow poop in a 5 pound sack. A real mess, I'll tell ya. Bottom line is that people lookin' for work don't have what it takes to do the work that needs to get done. Kind of like hiring your ol' Uncle Barney to fix the haymower. Barney's not the brightest bulb on the porch if ya get my drift. Not his fault. He can farm all day long, but he's sort of mechanically declined. Wrong person for the job.
Time to talk to Ferd down at KRAAP AM on the radio. "Ferd? Buford T. here." (Now the rest of this is best I can rememberfy it, cause, well I didn't write it all down before the medicine kicked in.)
Ferd allows that we aren't spendin' dollars to edumacate people in the way we need them to work today, and holy crapsky ain't even thinkin' ‘bout tomorrow. And, not to mention those 14 million nose pickers out there AND a few hundred thousand vets about to come on back home from Dumbassistan. But that means spendin' money and really, really changin' the school system. So, we got one half the stupid congresscritters scremin; we can't spend money because we'd have to raise taxes. And guess who don't want to pay more? Those whining E-X-U-tives.
By the by, the other half are turnin' all purple afraid we might just trashcan all the lousy teachers; turn the edumcators out, and get back to helping people learn. Not just run a Home for the Slightly Self Rightoeus. (I know we'll get letters on this one, but there is enough stupid to go around.)
So, here's what gets Ferd's undies in a wad. The same people who don't want to pay more (OK, I'll call it investment if that will help) are the ones screamin' to high heaven they can't find the people they need to make more money! They don't want to spend more, to make more? They would rather not part with any of the major buckos they are sitting on and see their bidness slow down? Now, that dear hearts is what you would call real stinkin' thinkin'.
But it's a biggern that that. And this is the elephant in the room as Ferd says. Even if you fix the edumacation thing, what are you goin' to school fer? Ah, ha.
There it is. Most folk don't have a clue what they should be a doin'. Get smart ‘bout what? Nobody goin'to tell ya. That's the secret, you gots to figger it out your darn self.
What "Merica needs is the truth about J-O-B-S. There goin' away, far, far, away and ain't comin' back. KMAG-YO-YO! (This is a family column so yall have to look it up on the Internets.) Everybody needs to be like a bidness on their own. Unemployment rate don't mean squat really. Invented by the gubmint as a way to tap into your cash flow before it flowed into your pocket-that's all.
What matters is how many people get over it and start doin' what they really love to do. How many folks start a bidness. Back here in "everybody's hometown," we see neighborhoods startin' to do it. We are responsible for ourselves and by God we are goin' to step up and do what needs to be done. So all that hog sloppin', squealin' and belchin' really doesn't count for a hill o' beans in the end. We don't need ‘em.
Well, I been a rantin' and ravin' ‘bout congresscritters, J-O-B-S goin' away, and who has to step -up this issue. Enough D-Nile, we got one river by that name, don't need ‘nother one. Write a letter, send a email, drop a dime, smoke signals, and carrier pigeons as Fearless Leader asked. But the message is GO AWAY ‘cause PROgress is the opposite of CONgress. Go hide and watch, come next eleckshun ther's goin' to be another 535 nose pickers standin' in line.
God Bless ‘Merica.
