Last night, a friend was sharing with us about a gift she received this past week. After 15 years of teaching public school, she was given a token of appreciation: a ceramic coffee mug emblazoned with the name of the school district.
In disbelief, we all laughed at her (mis)fortune. I mean, if 15 years of service are equal to a $4 mug, what can she look forward to in another 15? A picture frame? Maybe a CD case? Or – if she’s lucky – a travel alarm clock?
It’s the Monday before Thanksgiving, and for those of us in the US, Thursday will be a time where we’ll (hopefully) spend at least a handful of minutes being thankful for something. And, if we’re so bold, we’ll tell special people in our lives thank you for the role they’ve played in our existence, success or journey.
So then why is it so hard to say appropriately thank you sometimes? Is it because most of our thank you’s are said merely in passing to cashiers, waiters and baristas, so it may not mean the same when we say it to a coworker for a job well done, a boss for a decision well made, or a friend for a favor well given? Is it because we often take for granted those who have always been there for us, so we simply forget to do such a basic task? Or, is it because we’re not quite sure when the right situation requires the right amount of thanks?
It’s pretty obvious that 15 years of teaching children demands more than a coffee mug. Likewise, in her book, ”Live First, Work Second,” Rebecca Ryan tells the story of her father’s commemorative aluminum saucepan that he received upon retirement after 33 years of service to the same company. And, Ryan Healy detailed last week how Millennials are after constructive – and not empty – praise.
Sure, YPs and young workers may get a bad rap because they seem to be reaching for some sort of super-sized helping of praise, like I’ll be reaching for mashed potatoes on Thursday. However, perhaps young people today understand gratitude better than anyone else.
Take a glance at Facebook walls or MySpace comments. Scroll through someone’s text messages. You’ll see things like “Thanks!”, “thank you :)”, “thx” and “thnk u” show up more than those relatives craving pumpkin pie. The next generation fires off emails and text messages to thank someone for thanking us for something.
So, how do you appropriately thank a Gen Yer? For starters, just say thanks. And make sure you mean it. Make sure the gratitude matches the reason you’re opening your mouth in the first place. A skillet for 30 years of service is not an equal equation. Neither is a coffee mug that I can get at any store. If I’ve done something remarkable, thank me for that remarkableness. If you’re going to give me mediocre thanks then you can start to expect mediocre work from here on out.
The same goes for our cities, our volunteer organizations and our families. We need to thank people always, but we need to thank them in a special way when they’ve done a special thing. So when a YPO brings about change in a remarkable way, when they organize and gather and bring new ideas to the table, when they organize and initiate a campaign to better the local community, they need to be recognized and thanked accordingly.
And to the Millennials – make sure you return the favor to co-workers and fellow volunteers and associates, and not just those who are close to you in age. Maybe you thank people so much because they’re just a text message or a wall post away. Maybe you thank people because it’s easy. But, this isn’t the point of gratitude. You don’t say thanks because it’s easy – you say thanks because someone deserves it. Just because the only way to thank someone might be to pick up the phone or send a letter doesn’t give you an excuse to pass of the gratitude giving like they were canned cranberry sauce.
When we all begin to thank each other for a job well done, we’ll be able to sit together at the same table and really begin to get stuff done.
Right after we all have seconds, that is.